


This Love I Have

by nerdypipsqueak



Series: Fictober 2020 [9]
Category: A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia (1990), Lawrence of Arabia (1962)
Genre: Alternate History, Ficlet, Historical Inaccuracy, Illnesses, Introspection, Light Angst, M/M, Middle Aged Men In Love, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdypipsqueak/pseuds/nerdypipsqueak
Summary: Fictober prompt: “all I ever wanted”Feisal reflects on his feelings for Ned.
Relationships: Faisal bin Hussein bin Ali al-Hashemi/T. E. Lawrence
Series: Fictober 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970629
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	This Love I Have

Ned's playing with the dogs, throwing sticks for them to retrieve, laughing when they expect him to throw the stick but refuse to let go of it. I watch him from my chair, I don't feel well enough to join in. My heart has been bothering me more than usual and my stomach is hurting, it has been for a few days now.

Ned knows about my heart disease but he doesn't know about this new complaint. I plan to hide it from him as long as I can. He'd been looking forward to this trip, this little holiday in Switzerland, for months, he's so happy, I can't possibly ruin that. Now I understand why he used to hide his injuries and illnesses from me.

He's so lovely, dressed in a simple walking suit, rolling in the grass with our horde of dogs. My soul aches at the sight. I wish I could join him, pull him into my arms, kiss that smile... I can't believe I nearly lost him. Everyday I thank God for bringing him back to me, for letting us have these years together in Iraq.

He is the most precious thing in the world to me, my beloved, my sweetheart. He is all I could ever have wanted in a life partner. I wish I could make an honest man out of him, equip him with all the spousal rights. But sadly this world is not ready for men like us so I've had to make do. We never speak about it but we both know that the expensive gifts I lavish him with are more than just gifts.

The dogs sprawl on the grass, panting. Ned leaves them there to rest and comes to settle on the sun chair next to mine. "Tea, my dearest?" 

"Thank you." I shake my head. My stomach cramps up so suddenly and so hard that I can't help but wince.

"Feisal? Is everything alright?" Immediately Ned sits up, concerned, his smile fading.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. It's nothing."

"Alright then. Would you like some coffee? Or maybe something to eat?"

"No, thank you, sweetheart. I have everything I could possibly want right here."

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a little post regarding Feisal's death for more context: https://nerdypipsqueak.tumblr.com/post/628725709983154177/on-this-day-in-1933-faisal-i-of-iraq-died-in-bern


End file.
